It's not supposed to hurt this way.

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Life Asks A Lot of Questions
November 5, 2012

Something I got from Tumblr. I've not read the questions yet, so surprise!

  • 1. think of the last person who said i love you, do you think they meant it?
  • Yes. and i am slowly losing it.
  • 2. would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
  • nope. not anyone of the same age or younger than any of my brothers. just plain, no.
  • 3. when’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
  • this morning.
  • 4. would you ever smile at a stranger?
  • yes. in appropriate places.
  • 5. is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
  • yeah, a few friends maybe and i regret not listening to them.
  • 6. have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
  • please don't stop the rain - james morrison
  • 7. what exactly are you wearing right now?
  • t-shirt, shorts
  • 8. how often do you listen to music?
  • almost every time i got a chance
  • 9. do you wear jeans or sweats more?
  • jeans
  • 10. do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
  • it's full of drama right now i just want it to stop.
  • 11. are you a social or an antisocial person?
  • i'm the guy in between
  • 12. have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘a’?
  • Yes.
  • 13. what about ‘r’?
  • yes.
  • 14. can you drive a stick shift?
  • no.
  • 15. do you care if people talk badly about you?
  • i get hurt, who doesn't? but i always understand.
  • 16. are you going out of town soon?
  • yes. to davao on u.s. thanksgiving
  • 17. when was the last time you cried?
  • morning.
  • 18. have you ever told someone you loved them?
  • yes.
  • 19. if you could change your eye color, would you?
  • no.
  • 20. is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
  • yes.
  • 21. name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
  • pure drama. i'm getting depressed again.
  • 22. is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
  • what? prolly lol.
  • 23. are you dating the last person you talked to?
  • no.
  • 24. what are you sitting on right now?
  • a chair.
  • 25. does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
  • before.
  • 26. have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
  • yes.
  • 27. who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
  • someone who hurts me a lot.
  • 28. do you get a lot of colds?
  • particularly this season.
  • 29. where is the shirt you are wearing from?
  • this is a rag. lol
  • 30. does anyone hate you?
  • yes.
  • 31. do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
  • no.
  • 32. do you like watching scary movies?
  • no.
  • 33. do you want your tongue pierced?
  • no.
  • 34. if you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
  • 2012.
  • 35. did you have a dream last night?
  • yeah but i can't remember.
  • 36. when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
  • i don't know. a few weeks ago?
  • 37. do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
  • no. i'm not sure if marriage is really my stuff. not now.
  • 38. do you think someone has feelings for you?
  • that's what everyone is wishing for. all i ask is for someone to tell me.
  • 39. do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
  • i wish.
  • 40. did you have a good day yesterday?
  • i had fun with the office guys.
  • 41. think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
  • no.
  • 42. in the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
  • i will.
  • 43. has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
  • yes. sadly, i'm losing grip.
  • 44. what’s the best part about school?
  • friends and a lot of thoughts.
  • 45. do you have any pictures on your facebook?
  • yes.
  • 46. do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
  • yes.
  • 47. do you replay things that have happened in your head?
  • yeah - those i am attached the most.
  • 48. were you single over the last summer?
  • yes.
  • 49. is your life anything like it was two years ago?
  • no. now it's too complicated.
  • 50. what are you supposed to be doing right now?
  • none. i should be enjoying my week-off.
  • 51. do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
  • no. he's my twin brother from another mother. :)
  • 52. are you nice to everyone?
  • no. it depends on how they treat me.
  • 53. have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
  • yes. it sucks. like how it is right now.
  • 54. do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
  • yes.
  • 55. are you good at hiding your feelings?
  • yes.
  • 56. do you think you like someone?
  • currently am liking someone.
  • 57. have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘j’?
  • no.
  • 58. do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
  • girls and boys.
  • 59. has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
  • yes.
  • 60. do you hate anyone?
  • yes.
  • 61. how’s your heart?
  • fully functioning but distressed.
  • 62. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
  • yes.
  • 63. have you ever cried over a guy?
  • hmm yeah? diff reason.
  • 64. who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
  • he or she knows who he or she is.
  • 65. are your toenails painted pink?
  • no.
  • 66. will your next kiss be a mistake?
  • damn no.
  • 67. girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
  • i'm not a girl but they sure do.
  • 68. have your pants ever fallen down in public?
  • no.
  • 69. who was the last person you were on the phone with?
  • a friend.
  • 70. how do you look right now?
  • wasted.
  • 71. do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
  • yes.
  • 72. can you commit to one person?
  • yes.
  • 73. do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
  • yes.
  • 74. have you ever felt replaced?
  • yeah!
  • 75. did you wake up cranky?
  • most of the time.
  • 76. are you a jealous person?
  • yes.
  • 77. are relationships ever worth it?
  • i wish they do.
  • 78. anyone you’re giving up on?
  • yes.
  • 79. currently wanting to see anyone?
  • yes. please.
  • 80. name something you have to do tomorrow?
  • go back to work.
  • 81. last person you cried in front of?
  • it was years back. i learned to keep things like this in private.
  • 82. is there someone you will never forget?
  • yes. everyone i've been attached to the most.
  • 83. do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
  • i wish does.
  • 84. if the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
  • cuddle up in a good movie.
  • 85. are you over your past?
  • yes.
  • 86. have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
  • i am not sure about that.
  • 87. is there anyone you can tell everything to?
  • yes. my twin brother.
  • 88. if your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
  • i love apologies and presents, regardless as to where/from whom it came from
  • 89. so, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3am; do you let them in?
  • no. go away.
  • 90. have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
  • yes!
  • 91. will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
  • i don't want to rush but sure holiday gifts are the best
  • 92. is there anyone you know with the name michael?
  • yes.
  • 93. have you ever kissed a matthew?
  • whoa.
  • 94. were you in a relationship in january? how was it going?
  • no.
  • 95. were you happy with the person you liked in march?
  • not certain, i guess no.
  • 96. don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
  • in certain ways yes.
  • 97. who do you have texts from?
  • friends and family.
  • 98. if the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
  • it's okay, i did not expect you to like back anyway, so we're cool.
  • 99. have you ever kissed someone older than you?
  • yes.
  • 100. who’s in your profile picture with you?
  • just me.
  • 101. ever kissed under fireworks?
  • wish i did.
  • 102. has anybody ever given you butterflies?
  • yes. all the time!

The Wallflower
July 11, 2012

Half the year has passed. The days are getting repetitive. I will just bore you to death if I start talking about work. As I am always saying, work will always be work.

My regular posts here have shrunk into 140 characters via Twitter, became the moving pictures in Tumblr, and stored in the darkest places of my mind.

It had been a year since we had that peculiar understanding. I never thought that this wall would have an admirer. A blank wall. I met my wallflower.

I haven't really thought about "us" that much since everything was all-against-odds. The friendship was not perfect. We had different worlds, but when us alone, we had the best of our time. I would listen to her stories of the real world, of genuine pain, and of a lot of mistakes. Mistakes, the craft I perfected these years. I would listen to her music, to her desires, to her - opening me to the world. She would in turn, listen to my wit, of every golden thought, of the fires I thought would have been dowsed, and to the love I shared but was not kept. We could have been perfect for one another. If only love involved listening.

Every dance has got to end. The wall never danced anyone. The wallflower has got to leave and face the world because there will always be people waiting for her. I will always remember the stories shared by the girl who waited by the wall.

The Love of Manila
December 25, 2011

It's Christmas and I'm immersed in my own kind of drama. No one should know. That's why I'm writing here.

Love of Two Colors
October 4, 2011

I love you.

She loves me.

I said I love her too.

But it's different 'cause

I love you more now.

I want our love,

not her love anymore.

I broke up with her,

hope I'll land with you,

or suffer again,

fall and be broken..

But I love you.

Please say you love me too.

A Place To Hide
September 6, 2011

I removed the links from my networks going to this blog so if ever you're still reading this, you're lucky. This will be sort of temporary since they already invaded Twitter but once everything's okay I'll go back there. From this point, everything is private. But if you're still here, it's okay.

I might redo the whole thing- change the name, skin, whatever-should I get the new computer soon.

The next weeks I'll sum up in a word: Hell.

I can do this. I will let go and get my happiness back.


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Jm. 20 y/o. Manila. Bachelor. Provisioner. Blood Elf. Designer. Fanatic. Brains. Talks.
Hater. Silent. Arrogant. Nice. Shallow. Pathetic. True.
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