If There Was A Road To Heaven
August 22, 2011
Now I'm dead tired. I now ask myself again, as history repeats itself: What have I done wrong?
Now I'm starting to feel what you were saying three years ago. You've made a mistake. And now, I suppose I did too.
I hate myself for rushing my decision, for allowing this to happen. I know I can't promise her anything. I just can't. But this is just demanding a serious me, rather a serious us, which we do not intend to-let's say, until everything's all right- until we can say that it's not complicated anymore-which is still far far away.
I hate myself for letting her in, because I just don't love her yet, but he does. I just thought that this would change me, be better with my decisions in life, be loved, because she accepted me for who I am, because as she told me, she's happy being with me, and it's the heaven and stars whatsoever, but the truth is, will I ever learn to love her?
But this was not where I've been a week ago, where everything were rainbows and butterflies. People detest it - work, friends, family. I know it's not right. Her former is on the verge of depression. He even sent me a message, told me to leave her wife and kids alone. Simply stupid, frustrating, and demanding.
Maybe this is my life know. Whatever road I'll walk on just won't take me long until I decide to take a different road again. I didn't asked for anything grand. I just wanted a life, where I can live it right, and not commit the same mistakes over and over again.
Maybe I should say it, or end it now.
