It's not supposed to hurt this way.

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June 24, 2008


This is how Clarkfend looks on my PC. It looks good without the full-page scrollbars, except the one in my Post division. Welcome to Episode Nine: Freedom. I'll post my birthday event tomorrow, which is drafted completely a few days ago but somehow I'm still thinking whether to post it or not. Below is the screenshot of my new skin.




Mainit ang Apoy
June 13, 2008


Just want to share this composition, –err, poem. I did this last night while we're on conference. It's in Filipino and I'm not planning to translate it in English, French, or Martian Jargon. I won't interpret it either, it's really up to you. Haha!


Ako Ang Mali sa Lahat ng Iyong Tama

Ako ang oras kapag ika'y nahihimbing
Ako ang dahon sa puno ng 'yong kabataan
Ako ang bakod na harang sa inyo ng 'yong irog
Ako ang tampulan ng masasamang nakaraan

Ako ang yelo sa kape mong kay init
Ako ang sampung piso sa butas mong bulsa
Ako ang sigaw ng mga nanloloko at nalulugmok
Ako ang ligaw na bala sa iyong katangahan

Ako ang nag-aabang sa may mga kapiling
Ako ang mga alaala ng nangatuyong mga parang
Ako ang lunas ng mga nagwawalang sabog
Ako ang ginto sa balong puno ng kahilingan

Ako ang gago–naghihintay sa madilim
Ako ang macheteng inukit ng kasaysayan
Ako ang bigas sa bagong sakal ay isinaboy
Ako ang kawalan, ang tala, at ang hangganan

Ako ang pintang pabaliktad kung isabit
Ako ang putol na kwerdas ng iyong gitara
Ako ang tagapamagitan sa lahat ng nagaamok
Ako ang suntok na sasapul sa 'yong kabanalan

Ako ang musika sa lahat ng di nakakarinig
Ako ang nagdarasal sa 'yong huling hantungan
Ako ang suotan mo ng iyong pagbabalat-kayo
Ako ang hula sa iyong masamang kapalaran

Ako ang hasaan ng iyong lapis na matalim
Ako ang manonood sa 'yong huling palabas
Ako ang nobelang hindi mo man masaulo
Ako ang noon, ang ngayon, at magpakailanman

Ako ang umiyak nang pasko ay sumapit
Ako ang huli sa pilang walang papupuntahan
Ako ang talo sa larong ang lahat ay nananalo
Ako ang minsan sa gitna ng walang kasiguraduhan

Ako ang sulat na sa Kastila'y isinalin
Ako ang batong bibiyak sa iyong tinitirhan
Ako ang ikinakahiya ng lahat ng tao
Ako ang sandaling ayaw mo nang matandaan

Ako ang sa iyong ayaw mo nang makamit
Ako ang malaking bahagi ng iyong alinlangan
Ako ang basag na salaming nakabaon sa'yong pulso
Ako ang talim na nakaharap sa kanyang larawan

Ako ang dahilang haharap sa magaling
Ako ang kasalanan na gusto mo nang kalimutan
Ako ang ilog na minsan lang kung umagos
Ako ang tama, ang mali, at ang huling isinilang


June 9, 2008


It wasn't supposed to be a shout. I've just been so irritated with her bad mood. I know she’s tired, but I have my points too. The point I am trying to reiterate, is the fact that she is blood, but she’s alienated from me. They both are. Is that, my fault? Is it my fault to wait for them to ask me what the damn hell is happening with me?

I am dreadfully shaking these past few days, aside from the whole apprehension this summer, because no one bothered to say anything to me. I assured everything is fine on the back of my mind, but I’m still scared. My tita asked me if I was settled, but I answered her with all honestly that I have no idea either. My books are on hold. I might as well start drafting my faulty résumé.

I need not to be felt pity upon, but deep-inside, I was hurting all along, which lead to my almost two months of miserable insomnia. The wreck of my life I was faced before is still the wreck that is impossible to be put together. I don’t want this but this is all I’ve got. I don’t hurt myself. I’m just walking with everything I’m faced.

So Ejay won last night. I expected it to be Robi.

I filled my mind with television after we moved the stocks to the house, which is much better than the summer prison. I’ve got all the time to avoid thinking as much as possible. I stopped reading for now, lie-lowed on radio, and got much time to watch past movies. What I missed about that place was the people—I’ve recognized a few, had small crushes on a few, kept little forgettable grudges on a few,—walking to get there which had been my regular exercise, and some sentimental events that happened.

This week is judgment. My sleep patterns are ruined. I’m out of breath. I’m still alive because I hope. Sometimes we need not know everything. Sometimes we only need to figure what to do next. I’m sorry if it’s still dark. I’m sorry, myself.







Credits

You're at Clarkfend Version 11, Watercolored Sky

Eleven would like to thank DA1 for the backdrop and DA2 for the icons.

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About

Jm. 20 y/o. Manila. Bachelor. Provisioner. Blood Elf. Designer. Fanatic. Brains. Talks.
Hater. Silent. Arrogant. Nice. Shallow. Pathetic. True.
Rain & Sunrise. Kisses & Guns. Orange & Violet. Crime & Punishment.

Watercolored Sky is the production of Jmd, freelance at everything. For more information, send me an email.


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